This fascism kills fascists.

Speaking today from a flag draped stage and surrounded by security services personnel in military uniforms carrying automatic weapons, president Putin warned against the dangers of the rise of Fascism in western Europe. Putin, a small man, from a provincial city and with an ambiguous military record, warned his adoring audience of oligarchs, senior military personnel and loyal journalists of the dangers of forgetting the dynamics behind the rise of Adolph Hitler.

“Germany” he said “had been humiliated by the events of history and, yearning for former imperial glories, had allowed itself to fall prey to the cult of the strong leader.” “Russia” he went on: “has a moral duty to save Europe from degenerates and foreign agents so that it might not fall prey to these old temptations.”

Reports that at this point Sergei Lavrov fell from his chair cackling before being dragged away by a cadre of close shaven young men wearing T shirts adorned with Putin’s face have since been denied by the foreign ministry. Video evidence showing this event was dismissed by an official spokesman as the result of Michelle Obama dropping a banana on the keyboard of a computer running video editing software.

Following this disturbance, which did not happen, the president went on to argue that Russia has a unique destiny and so has no choice but to save Europe from sinister foreign influences who would corrupt the purity of a noble race and lead the continent into a place of conflict and uncontrolled militarism. “It is Russia’s fate to save Europe from Fascism” he declaimed as the crowd of uniformed military personnel, state connected oligarchs and flag waving youths rose to their feet with a passionate roar of: RUSSIA! RUSSIA! RUSSIA!”