Manhattan or Moscow, you decide.

Are these facts about Manhattan, Moscow or both: send your answers by carrier pigeon to any member of the British Royal Family.

1 Most of the people serving you are black people.

2 Most of the people with Macbooks in the coffee shops are white people.

3 People get out of your way if they can and apologize if they can’t.

4 People thank you for opening a door and hurry to free you from holding it longer than you need to.

5 There are less beautiful women and they have spent less time getting dressed. (As is their right, sisters, as is their right)

6 People amble. “Heeey I’m ambling ovah heah?”

7 In shops, big chain stores, there are too many people devoted to welcoming you and too few who know anything about the merchandise. In one place 5 people greeted us as we entered and then it took 15 minutes to find anyone who knew what bulb a certain lamp required. I’m afraid there is no one available at present Sir: they are all on smiling duty.

8 Nobody actually says: “Heeey, I’m walking ovah heah” And the city in question is diminished as a result.

9 A great many people don’t speak English, many of these people are working in jobs that require some English.

10 Public transport is a grubby mess.

11 Others are largely indifferent to your needs, unless clearly prompted, after which they can be startlingly kind.

12 They have thousands of churches.

13 The state is watching you.

14 Few people give much of a damn that the state is watching them.

15 Pigeons are king.

16 Crows are king.

17 there are whole areas where wealth appears to have crystallized into pristine blocks of shiny marble and, walls of glass and steel.

18 The weather is seriously bi polar.

19 there are a thousand islands of peace; cool and green and shady.

20 There are far more red white and blue flags flying than Jesus would have been entirely comfortable with.